My name is Aaron. This is my website. I work at CONAN on TBS. It's RAD. ;) I Facebook it up in Here. I've been known to Twitter around over Here. I like to play nerdy Internet Risk under the name "pirateman" Here. And when I was a kid, I was in this movie right Here.

I like the cut of your jib. Let's be friends, eh?
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Happy Halloween, perverts.

Happy Halloween, perverts.

I’m like the Ansel Adams of penis cake photography.

I’m like the Ansel Adams of penis cake photography.

The Party

So anyway, I get there and realize that I’m the only person who dressed up and I want to smoke really bad so I decide to elbow my way through the dance floor to the bar when weirdly the crowd does that thing where it opens up like in the movies and he’s right there. Standing at the bar like any other person anywhere in the whole wide world. Just like that.

He doesn’t see me so I stop in the middle of the dance floor and watch him sucking on the ice in his glass trying to work out how much longer he should stay. He looks like he’s waiting for someone. He looks sad.

I want to fix him, like that one day in Puerto Rico when he hurt his hand in the pool and I tried to bandage it up but didn’t know how so I just kept wrapping gauze around and around and around until his hand was as big as an oven mitt and he drew a goofy face on it with a blue marker and we went out to dinner and he used it as a puppet to order our meals and I laughed so hard piña colada came out of my nose. He whispered that he loved me and bought a light up rose. I kissed him and he laughed and the busboy dropped a glass and the waitress looked at us like we were crazy.

I suddenly notice that he’s the only other person in the bar besides me who’s in a costume and maybe it’s that realization that does it, because he looks right at me. Like I was the one who he was waiting for. Just like that.

We say nice things to each other and he buys me a drink and I buy him a drink and then there are more drinks and then we’re kissing and then I’m finally smoking and then we’re running out the back through the doorway by the bathroom that says ALARM WILL SOUND but of course it doesn’t and then we’re two people in the cool air of the night and it smells like wet pavement and rain and a happiness deep inside of me unfolds and he yells something stupid at a guy in a car and I’m laughing and we’re walking in the street and he keeps kissing me and I keep letting him even though I know what’s coming.

Then we’re outside my place and the moment between us is gone - or maybe the moment between us has finally arrived - and he is making some excuse about needing to use the bathroom, but he forgets I know all his tricks. He doesn’t know why he can’t come up or maybe he does know and just wants me to say it but I don’t know how to say it so instead I let the silence say it for me and the silence says it very well.

I adjust my wig and look at my hands. I want to tell him how good it felt to see him again, to kiss him, to be with him again even if it was only pretend and only for a little while, but I don’t. I just stand there like a big dumb stupid idiot until he gets it and shoves his hands in his pockets and says “Okay” and turns and walks away and crosses the street and is a block away, now three, now four, and years later I will realize that this moment is the last time I will ever see him and four blocks become five and now I’m crying and I can barely make him out and suddenly I can’t tell if that’s him or not and he’s become just another person walking out into the night like any other person. Anywhere in the whole wide world. Just like that.

Ladies, prepare to fill your pants with wet orgasms.

Ladies, prepare to fill your pants with wet orgasms.

Join me in a few minutes for #TwitchTwednesday as we play The Last Of Us, and interview Lara Croft herself, Camilla Luddington! Check it out @ Twitch.tv/teamcoco!

Join me in a few minutes for #TwitchTwednesday as we play The Last Of Us, and interview Lara Croft herself, Camilla Luddington! Check it out @ Twitch.tv/teamcoco!