I’ve Got A Dirty Mouth.
My family is big into presents, and last Christmas, my dad got me an electric toothbrush. “A man is only as good as his chompers” my dad used to say, and I have to agree (he never actually said that, although he does favor the phrase “Take small bites and chew slowly”).
Anyway, when I was in the 3rd grade, I didn’t brush my teeth for a year. That is 100% true; no teeth brushing, no mouthwash, no nothing. What finally made me start brushing my teeth again was a presentation by a team of dentists who, for some reason, came into our classroom Inception-style and gave us all a lecture on how important it is to practice good oral hygiene. As if that wasn’t enough, I remember that we actually split up into groups and they showed us how to properly brush our teeth. Not only did I not speak the entire day, but I refused to open my mouth the whole times the dentists were there because I thought that they would be able to tell that I hadn’t brushed my teeth for so long and would arrest me and take me to cavity jail. And in case you’re wondering: Yes, I was a weird kid.
From that point on, I have been absolutely religious about brushing my teeth. Even when I am stone cold, barely able to stand up drunk, I brush my teeth. Even when I’m camping in the woods and there’s only lake water around, I brush my teeth. Before I went on tour, my sister even got me these disposable no-water-needed Wisp brush things (which were totally awesome by the way. I used them all and highly recommend them). Guys, what I’m saying is that I am into brushing my teeth aka keeping it right and keeping it tight.
So, my dad gets me this electric toothbrush; it’s one of those kind of expensive sonic care ones. I am thrilled. Best gift ever. I use it for the first time, and am completely amazed; my mouth literally feels one hundred percent cleaner. I am hooked.
Or am I?
